Funny Friday – Nov. 8, 2013

—oo— Sam the rig hand walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave. “By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” . . “The electric company, water company, and phone company”,  Sam replied.… —oo— Have you ever seen critters first discover a mirror?  This … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Nov. 1, 2013

—oo— The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Oct. 25, 2013

—oo— Arabs boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said ‘I need to get up and get a Coke.’ ‘Don’t get up,’ said the Marine. ‘I’m in the aisle seat, ‘I’ll get it for you.’ As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine’s shoe and spat in … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Oct. 18, 2013

—oo— An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% . The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’ The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’ —oo—  TIPS FROM THE … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Oct. 11, 2013

—oo— A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, D.C. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocked on the window. The driver rolled down the window and asked, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire U.S. Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they’re going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, collecting donations.” “How much is everyone giving, on an average?” the driver asked. The man replied, “Roughly a gallon.” —oo—   —oo— I got invited to a party … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Oct. 4, 2013

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Maine were Listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We Are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on The even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through”. So the good wife went out and moved her car. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer Says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….” Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Sept. 27, 2013

—oo— The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska . He was driving along the campground when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Sept. 20, 2013

—oo— A mechanical engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?” Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Sept. 13, 2013

—oo— I was standing in a bar in Chapel Hill yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I said to him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?” He says “No, why the fruck you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinee?” “No”, I say, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer!” —oo— In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs” who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.” With … Continue reading

Funny Friday – September 6, 2013

Male Life Cycle: (1) When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs. (2) When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. (3) In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. (4) When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but … Continue reading