Funny Friday

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The young guy says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.” Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was … Continue reading

Now The LGBTQs Are Coming For Rover And Fluffy

I hesitated before publishing this piece as a FUNNY FRIDAY entry, because it sadly shows the depths to which depraved western feminists have sunk.  Too much liberal education, too much time on their hands, and zero understanding of logic and biology …. the result is this kind of “thinking” from our confused friends in the LGBTQWERTY / feminist community.  What the heck, here goes: http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/in-the-line-of-fire/66215-don-t-misgender-your-pet?utm_source=In%20the%20Line%20of%20Fire&utm_medium=email&utm_content=subscriber_id:803893&utm_campaign=Blogger%20-%20Michael%20Brown%20-%202017-07-14 DON’T MISGENDER YOUR PETS! by Michael Brown …. Charisma News  7-14-2017 This is not a satire. I am not spoofing you. What I’m telling you is the truth. A radical feminist website is warning all … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase “You Gotta Be Shittin Me?” Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington’s boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York , says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’ The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’ The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: ‘You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left … Continue reading

#IStandWithPelosi

Word is that key Democrats are mounting a stealth campaign to remove Nancy Pelosi from her leadership position in their party.  This misogynistic effort must be stopped, so we’ve launched a hashtag campaign on Twatter to help Madame Ex-Speaker maintain her position of power and influence in the House. Pelosi is, and must remain, the face of the modern Democrat Party, the party of love and fellowship, of tolerance and inclusion, of empowered women and rightfully-chastened white males, of virtue-signaling and good intentions.  Madame Ex-Speaker’s unique combination of skill, clarity of thought, and command of the English language is essential … Continue reading

Funny Friday

While walking down the street one day a corrupt senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator. “Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell … Continue reading

Funny Friday

We start off this week’s edition with a few clever observations from the late George Carlin: —oo— Great Orators of the Democrat Party –PAST:  “One man with courage makes a majority.” ~Andrew Jackson “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt   “The buck stops here.” ~ Harry S. Truman   “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” ~John F. Kennedy Great Orators of the Democrat Party –RECENT: “It depends what your definition of ‘is’ is?” ~William Jefferson Clinton “Those rumors are false. I believe in the sanctity … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah.   While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.” The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.” The deadly chase was recorded. —oo— Once in awhile we just have to stand back in awe of government. The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?” About 40 students raised their hands. “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” About 15 students raise their hand. “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise … Continue reading

Funny Friday

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn’t yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who in his day had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Millennials? we’re so screwed… —oo— The Lutheran church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with since it was God’s divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Methodist church decided that they were not … Continue reading

Funny Friday

They have started pouring the foundation for the Obama library in Kenya A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.”   A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the driver’s window and asks, “You drinkin’?” The driver said, “Well that depends – You buyin’?”   “A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog… It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The … Continue reading

Funny Friday

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. “Madam”, said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY”. There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, .. ..”Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either —oo— Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly … Continue reading

Funny Friday

How bad are the schools in Chicago ? Darqueeze played high school football in Chicago. He was a great running back, but a really poor student. At graduation, he didn’t have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed that if Darqueeze could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma. The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only. The principal … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Watch this one to the end for a good laugh: This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What’s the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire. Here’s her story in her own words: “While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Dave was goose hunting up in the northern Minnesota woods when he leaned his shotgun against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his favorite Lab, Ol’ Stay, knocked the gun over causing it to discharge a considerable amount of #4 shot into Dave’s groin area. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Dr. Sven, who said, “Vell Dave, I got some goot noos and some bat noos. Da goot noos is dat you’re gonna be OK. Da damage vas local to … Continue reading

Funny Friday

GOD to ST. FRANCIS:  Frank , You know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. St. FRANCIS:  It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Just some general humor to cleanse the palate… . World’s Shortest Books _______________ MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS By Tiger Woods ________________________ THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT OUR COUNTRY By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan & Michelle Obama Illustrated by Michael Moore Foreword by George Soros ______________________________ __________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton” ______________________________ ________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL By Hillary Clinton _________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton _________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD By Bill Gates ______________________________ ______ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their ‘tourist’ garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ‘drop dead gorgeous’ blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them and they couldn’t help but stare. As the blonde … Continue reading