Funny Friday – Sept. 27, 2013

—oo— The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska . He was driving along the campground when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Sept. 20, 2013

—oo— A mechanical engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?” Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Sept. 13, 2013

—oo— I was standing in a bar in Chapel Hill yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I said to him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?” He says “No, why the fruck you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinee?” “No”, I say, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer!” —oo— In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs” who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.” With … Continue reading

Funny Friday – September 6, 2013

Male Life Cycle: (1) When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs. (2) When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. (3) In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. (4) When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but … Continue reading

An Obama Pickup Truck

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new “feel” before they become extinct. The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama “change” lapel pin) sat in the  passenger seat describing the truck and all its “wonderful” options. The  seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this … Continue reading

The Hoggtown Redneck Zoo

A small zoo in Hoggtown, Arklabama obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the zookeeper thought of Ed Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Ed Lee wasn’t very bright, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Ed Lee was approached with a … Continue reading