Funny Friday

Chepe: “How many children do you have?” Pepe: “I have eight children”. Chepe: “You don’t have a TV?” Pepe: “No”. —oo— From Navy Vet: A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact. “Marion, Marion?” “Is that you, Bob?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “That’s wonderful! What’s it like?” “Well, I get up … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Gil: Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Gil: A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside them. “Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, the Mother Superior turns to Sister Martha and says, “I don’t think they know who we are. Show them your cross.” Sister Martha rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!” Sister Martha then rolls up her window, looks back at the Mother Superior … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From SafeSpace: Upon hearing the awful news that a member of the Supreme Court had passed away, Hillary phoned the president’s office. It was just past midnight. “I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary. After some cajoling, President Trump’s assistant agreed to wake him up. “What is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, bellowed Trump. “A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place,” begged Hillary. “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary,” replied the President. —oo— AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS AD … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The young guy says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.” Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was … Continue reading

Clinton Family Hires OJ Simpson, Citing His Skills And Deviance

Our inside sources here at Hardnox have learned that OJ Simpson, released today on parole from a California prison, may have accepted an offer of employment from John Podesta.  Acting in his official capacity as consiglieri to Hillary Rodham and William Jefferson Clinton, Podesta is believed to have signed Simpson as an “enforcer”, and plans to give The Juice the names of several annoying and talkative conservatives who have proven to be a thorn in the sides of Hillary and Bill. Simpson is thought to have inked an annual contract with a renewal option, which will be exercised based on … Continue reading

Now The LGBTQs Are Coming For Rover And Fluffy

I hesitated before publishing this piece as a FUNNY FRIDAY entry, because it sadly shows the depths to which depraved western feminists have sunk.  Too much liberal education, too much time on their hands, and zero understanding of logic and biology …. the result is this kind of “thinking” from our confused friends in the LGBTQWERTY / feminist community.  What the heck, here goes: http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/in-the-line-of-fire/66215-don-t-misgender-your-pet?utm_source=In%20the%20Line%20of%20Fire&utm_medium=email&utm_content=subscriber_id:803893&utm_campaign=Blogger%20-%20Michael%20Brown%20-%202017-07-14 DON’T MISGENDER YOUR PETS! by Michael Brown …. Charisma News  7-14-2017 This is not a satire. I am not spoofing you. What I’m telling you is the truth. A radical feminist website is warning all … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase “You Gotta Be Shittin Me?” Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington’s boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York , says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’ The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’ The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: ‘You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left … Continue reading

#IStandWithPelosi

Word is that key Democrats are mounting a stealth campaign to remove Nancy Pelosi from her leadership position in their party.  This misogynistic effort must be stopped, so we’ve launched a hashtag campaign on Twatter to help Madame Ex-Speaker maintain her position of power and influence in the House. Pelosi is, and must remain, the face of the modern Democrat Party, the party of love and fellowship, of tolerance and inclusion, of empowered women and rightfully-chastened white males, of virtue-signaling and good intentions.  Madame Ex-Speaker’s unique combination of skill, clarity of thought, and command of the English language is essential … Continue reading

Funny Friday II

Obama dies and he arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. “Welcome former President Obama,” says St. Peter.  “Thank you,” says Obama, “I’m ready for my halo and harp. Oh and is there cocaine up here?”  “Well, I have some bad news,” Saint Peter replied, “the boss turned down your application for Heaven so you’re taking the down elevator over there.” Saint Peter pointed. “Really? But I was a good man! I helped my friends and screwed America over!” Obama whined. “I’m sorry,” Saint Pete said, “but you told one too many lies to the … Continue reading

Funny Friday

While walking down the street one day a corrupt senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator. “Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell … Continue reading

Funny Friday

We start off this week’s edition with a few clever observations from the late George Carlin: —oo— Great Orators of the Democrat Party –PAST:  “One man with courage makes a majority.” ~Andrew Jackson “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt   “The buck stops here.” ~ Harry S. Truman   “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” ~John F. Kennedy Great Orators of the Democrat Party –RECENT: “It depends what your definition of ‘is’ is?” ~William Jefferson Clinton “Those rumors are false. I believe in the sanctity … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah.   While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.” The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.” The deadly chase was recorded. —oo— Once in awhile we just have to stand back in awe of government. The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Hillary phoned the president’s office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary. After some cajoling, the president’s.assistant agreed to wake him up “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled Trump. “ A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.”, begged Hillary. “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the funeral home.”, replied President Trump. —oo— A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?” About 40 students raised their hands. “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” About 15 students raise their hand. “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise … Continue reading

Funny Friday

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn’t yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who in his day had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Millennials? we’re so screwed… —oo— The Lutheran church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with since it was God’s divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Methodist church decided that they were not … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival, they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don’t hit the ducks during your first three months here. The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, “The ducks?” “Yes”, St. Peter replies, “There are thousands of ducks walking around the course, and if one gets hit, he quacks, then the one next to him quacks and … Continue reading