Funny Friday

GOD to ST. FRANCIS:  Frank , You know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. St. FRANCIS:  It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Just some general humor to cleanse the palate… . World’s Shortest Books _______________ MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS By Tiger Woods ________________________ THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT OUR COUNTRY By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan & Michelle Obama Illustrated by Michael Moore Foreword by George Soros ______________________________ __________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton” ______________________________ ________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL By Hillary Clinton _________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton _________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD By Bill Gates ______________________________ ______ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their ‘tourist’ garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ‘drop dead gorgeous’ blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them and they couldn’t help but stare. As the blonde … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— The biggest gulf between Americans is not religion, politics or color. The biggest difference is the way old vs. young understand  the history and probably future of the Nation. There were protesters at the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. There was an elderly woman behind me holding an umbrella. A young female protester offered the lady a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old  woman’s shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, “Ma’am, don’t you care about the people and … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text to their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.” The women were then instructed to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Which of the following names are you familiar with? 1. Monica Lewinsky 2. Spiro Agnew 3. Benito Mussolini 4. Adolf Hitler 5. Jorge Bergoglio 6. Alfonse Capone 7. Vladimir Putin 8. Linda Lovelace 9. Saddam Hussein 10. Tiger Woods You had trouble with #5 didn’t you? You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don’t know the Pope?? —oo— Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied, “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; deport him and you’ll never have to feed him again.” Trump … Continue reading

Funny Friday: STEM Education Edition

Understanding Engineers #1 (of 8): Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”  Understanding Engineers #2: To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,  “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the young panther … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.” The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?” The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was … Continue reading

Early Start on Funny Friday

The following is an actual question given on a  University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by this student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Question:  Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— I TOLD MY SON, “YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE.” HE SAID,  “NO.” I TOLD HIM, “SHE IS BILL GATES DAUGHTER.” HE SAID,  “YES.” I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, “I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY  SON,” BILL GATES SAID, “NO” I TOLD BILL GATES, “MY SON IS THE  C.E.O. OF THE WORLD BANK.” BILL GATES SAID, “OK” I CALLED THE  PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE C.E.O. HE SAID,  “NO” I TOLD HIM, “MY SON IS BILL GATES SON-IN-LAW” HE SAID,  “OK” THIS IS EXACTLY HOW POLITICS  WORKS. —oo— A friend … Continue reading

Funny Friday – Special MAGA Edition!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It’s finally January 20, 2017……. Democrats are distraught: Bwhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! —oo— Dogs are smarter than reporters: —oo— —oo— Now that that shit is out of the way… Please welcome a real America loving man and his team to the White House and his administration… OH THANK GOD! This was from last night: “Make America Great Again” God Bless America! ~ Hardnox

Funny Friday Part Two: Combating Regulatory Overreach

This story may well be apocryphal, but ya gotta love it anyway! Thanks to RGH for sourcing it. The State of Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife sends a letter to a home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on their property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs. The property owners response in the second letter is EPIC ! Letter from Oregon Dept. of Fish & Wildlife: Dear Landowner: ODE Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs and other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research we … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Wife : Do you drink beer? Husband : Yes Wife : How many beers a day? Husband : Usually about three Wife : How much do you pay per beer? Husband : $5.00 which includes a tip Wife : And how long have you been drinking? Husband : About 20 years, I suppose Wife : So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 – correct? Husband : Correct Wife : If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Trump has announced that he has all the necessary materials to build the wall along the Mexican border. Everyone should have known this. When Trump won the election, 60 million Democrats shit a brick… —oo— Introducing Failey’s comet:                 Trump just keeps winning…   On January 20, 2017 …   On January 21, 2017, Barry goes back to his former job with his buddy Reggie Love: (Special thanks to Wendy, Skip, Gil for their contributions) Have a great Friday. Two weeks from today we have a new president and the end of an … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Bubba was driving down a back road in South Carolina … A sign in front of a restaurant reads: HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL Lobster Tail and Beer “Lordy mercy!” he says to himself,” “Them’s my three favorites”! —oo— A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. ‘Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!” ‘I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!’ … Continue reading

Funny Friday

  As you know, the Electoral College Voted… and you’ve heard about the Lefties flipping out… and the Russian hackers… and the fake news about the Russian hackers… and that 65% of the public knows it’s all a lie… and the news that was ignored… then there’s the terror attacks by the head-choppers… and the Euro-weenie response vs the future response… and the refusal of certain celebrities to perform at the inauguration… guess you heard Hillary plans on running again in 2020… and that donations to the Clinton Foundation have virtually disappeared… This Russian hacker meme is everywhere now… meanwhile … Continue reading

Funny Friday

(h/t: Buck) —oo— A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.” Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.” A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed … Continue reading

Funny Friday Preview

So take a break from laughing at the dhimmicrats as they poke sticks at the Rooshin Bear, as they play Pin The Tail On Huma’s Hajib, as they uptalk their metrosexual way thru their script of lies about emails….. and watch this li’l video on how to treat those jackwagons who cannot be torn away from their cellphones.  Gotta watch it to the end. https://safeshare.tv/x/sLtCVDmZnm — SafeSpace —