Funny Friday

From NavyVet: My boss, who is on vacation, phoned me today. He said, “Is everything OK at the office?” I said “It’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day. I haven’t stopped to take a break all day.” “Can you do me a favor?” he asked. I said, “Of course, What is it?” “Pick up the pace a little. I’m in the foursome behind you.” —oo— From Wendy: A father told each of his three children when he sent them to off to college, “I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Terry:   —oo— From Gil: A young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke Then she got a reply which was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people’s love advice was hilarious and genius! The query: Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Hershey: One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated. “Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and I give some of … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo– From NavyVet: I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me, It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else. One day she called me and asked me to come over. ‘To check my … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From SafeSpace: A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man. The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he’s without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers. The old man glares at the young punk for him for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city. Finally, the punk looks … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Gil: Recent studies found average golfers walk 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. This means, on average, golfers get 41 miles to the gallon! Kind of makes you proud. Almost makes you feel like a hybrid. . .   —oo— From Navy Vet: Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— From Hershey: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles – you can imagine what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Chepe: “How many children do you have?” Pepe: “I have eight children”. Chepe: “You don’t have a TV?” Pepe: “No”. —oo— From Navy Vet: A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact. “Marion, Marion?” “Is that you, Bob?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “That’s wonderful! What’s it like?” “Well, I get up … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Gil: Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From Gil: A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside them. “Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, the Mother Superior turns to Sister Martha and says, “I don’t think they know who we are. Show them your cross.” Sister Martha rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!” Sister Martha then rolls up her window, looks back at the Mother Superior … Continue reading

Funny Friday

From SafeSpace: Upon hearing the awful news that a member of the Supreme Court had passed away, Hillary phoned the president’s office. It was just past midnight. “I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary. After some cajoling, President Trump’s assistant agreed to wake him up. “What is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, bellowed Trump. “A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place,” begged Hillary. “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary,” replied the President. —oo— AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS AD … Continue reading

Funny Friday

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The young guy says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.” Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was … Continue reading

Clinton Family Hires OJ Simpson, Citing His Skills And Deviance

Our inside sources here at Hardnox have learned that OJ Simpson, released today on parole from a California prison, may have accepted an offer of employment from John Podesta.  Acting in his official capacity as consiglieri to Hillary Rodham and William Jefferson Clinton, Podesta is believed to have signed Simpson as an “enforcer”, and plans to give The Juice the names of several annoying and talkative conservatives who have proven to be a thorn in the sides of Hillary and Bill. Simpson is thought to have inked an annual contract with a renewal option, which will be exercised based on … Continue reading

Now The LGBTQs Are Coming For Rover And Fluffy

I hesitated before publishing this piece as a FUNNY FRIDAY entry, because it sadly shows the depths to which depraved western feminists have sunk.  Too much liberal education, too much time on their hands, and zero understanding of logic and biology …. the result is this kind of “thinking” from our confused friends in the LGBTQWERTY / feminist community.  What the heck, here goes: http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/in-the-line-of-fire/66215-don-t-misgender-your-pet?utm_source=In%20the%20Line%20of%20Fire&utm_medium=email&utm_content=subscriber_id:803893&utm_campaign=Blogger%20-%20Michael%20Brown%20-%202017-07-14 DON’T MISGENDER YOUR PETS! by Michael Brown …. Charisma News  7-14-2017 This is not a satire. I am not spoofing you. What I’m telling you is the truth. A radical feminist website is warning all … Continue reading

Funny Friday

—oo— Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase “You Gotta Be Shittin Me?” Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington’s boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal … Continue reading

Funny Friday

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York , says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’ The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’ The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: ‘You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left … Continue reading

#IStandWithPelosi

Word is that key Democrats are mounting a stealth campaign to remove Nancy Pelosi from her leadership position in their party.  This misogynistic effort must be stopped, so we’ve launched a hashtag campaign on Twatter to help Madame Ex-Speaker maintain her position of power and influence in the House. Pelosi is, and must remain, the face of the modern Democrat Party, the party of love and fellowship, of tolerance and inclusion, of empowered women and rightfully-chastened white males, of virtue-signaling and good intentions.  Madame Ex-Speaker’s unique combination of skill, clarity of thought, and command of the English language is essential … Continue reading

Funny Friday II

Obama dies and he arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. “Welcome former President Obama,” says St. Peter.  “Thank you,” says Obama, “I’m ready for my halo and harp. Oh and is there cocaine up here?”  “Well, I have some bad news,” Saint Peter replied, “the boss turned down your application for Heaven so you’re taking the down elevator over there.” Saint Peter pointed. “Really? But I was a good man! I helped my friends and screwed America over!” Obama whined. “I’m sorry,” Saint Pete said, “but you told one too many lies to the … Continue reading