I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, “Nothing.” The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?” At that point, I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally, I pondered an age old question: “Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?”
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case. Time for another beer and then, maybe a nap.
Signs that Civilization is regressing:
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where you from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;
Have a great Friday and a Merry Christmas!