Funny Friday

From Navy Vet:


An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his phone.

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, “That’s about average up our way, folks… like I said my boy’s a typical County Clare baby boy.”

Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.

The bartender says, “Say, aren’t you the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody’s been making’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks …. so how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. “What happened? You said he was 25 pounds the day he was born.”

The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”

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From Terry:









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From Gil:




















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From Jules:

















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From ‘Nox:



















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Have a great Friday and a better weekend.

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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4 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. Terry says:

    Good stuff as usual !
    ———————————————————————————————————

    Although the following may have been posted many times before, I feel there’s a need to keep it circulating for the benefit of the Redneck Youth :

    TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS

    DINING OUT

    1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
    covering the label.
    2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not
    have dogs.

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners

    PERSONAL HYGIENE

    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
    in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
    2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if
    you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
    3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to
    detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

    DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

    1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
    2.Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: ‘I’ve been wanting to go out
    with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.”
    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
    10:00 PM; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the
    man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
    4. Always have a positive comment about your date’s appearance, such as, ‘Ya’ll
    sure don’t sweat much for a fat gal.’

    WEDDINGS

    1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a
    clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
    4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special
    occasion.
    5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE

    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and
    the deer is in sight.
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always
    has the right of way.
    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    4.When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is
    impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
    5.Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
    6.Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

    MICELLANEOUS

    1. Never take a beer to a job interview
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3 It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still
    considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

    TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:

    1. All the DNA is the same.
    2.There are no dental records

  2. Wise Owl says:

    TGIF everyone! Thanks for another great week of news, outrage, and humor!

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