Funny Friday

From Brian:

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From VonMesser:







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From Hershey:

Calvin Rickson, an engineer from Texas A&M University, has designed a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and stops nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of Texans took Mr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.

 

Here is a traffic law question. If you miss it you may be too old to drive.

cid:1.1614197239@web126002.mail.ne1.yahoo.com

Traffic Question :

Most men will get this right! 

Q: You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING FOR 2 MILES sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider. Do you:

(a) Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles , or

(b) Do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS:

 A: Why take unnecessary risks?

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From Terry:














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From Wendy:

A guy walks into a bar in Tennessee and orders a white wine.

All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada ”

The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada ?”

The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”

The bartender says, “A taxidermist?

What in the hell is a taxidermist?

Do you drive a taxi?”

“No,” says the Canadian “I don’t drive a taxi, I mount animals.”

The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”

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From David:

My Rezimay
Deer Sur,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the Paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do Sum Acounting 2.

I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole Person. Pepole really seam to respond goodly to me.

I’m lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it Kant be 2 Complikaited

My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a Job Bcuz of my persinalety..

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want To pay me and wat you think that I am wurth, I can start imeditely.

Thank you in advanse 4 yore Anser.

Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar.

Sinseerly,

Peggy May McBiggins

PS : I half includeded a pickture of me B low.

Dear Peggy May:

Start on Monday, we have spell check.

signed .. . . . .
Harvey Weinstein

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From Ragnar:


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From Gil:












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From Earl: 




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From Diogenes Middle Finger:

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From Jim:

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill this Christmas season.

This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation’s Capital.

A search for a Virgin also continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

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From NavyVet:

Frank and Dianne were in a local shopping center just before Christmas.
Dianne suddenly noticed that Frank was missing, and as they had a lot
to do, she called him on his cell phone. Dianne asked, “Frank, where
are you? You know that we have lots to do.”

Frank said, “Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10
years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace? I could not
afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you.”
Little tears started to flow down Dianne’s cheek, and she got all choked up.
“Yes, I do remember that shop,” she replied.
“Well, I’m in the Hooters next to that store.”

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Boudreaux and Trosclair were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics at de Bayou Teche, Louisiana , International Airport . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Boudreaux say, ‘Man, I wish we had somtin to drink!’
Trosclair say, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink dat jet fuel and; get a buzz.’

So dey pour demselves a couple of glasses of high octane gas an get completely smashed.
De next morning Boudreaux wake himsef’ up and is surprise at how good he feel.
In fact he feel GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nuttin!
Then de phone ring. It’s Trosclair. Trosclair say, ‘Hey, how you are dnos morning?’
Boudreaux say, ‘Man, I feel great, how bout you?’
Trosclair say, ‘I feel great, too. You don’ have a hangover?’
Boudreaux say, ‘No dat jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover, nuttin’. We ought to do dis more often..’
Trosclair say, ‘ Yeah, well dey’s just one t’in g.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Have you farted yet?’
‘No.’
‘Well, DON’T – cause I’m in Shreveport

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From ‘Nox:









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Have a great Friday.

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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6 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. TONYA PARNELL says:

    THE ONE ON JUSTICE GINSBERG WAS CUTE, COPIED IT

  2. clyde says:

    Didn’t think it would take long for the meme meisters to nail Franken. Bwahahahaha

  3. Terry says:

    A real cornucopia full of funny shit today !! Must be the after-Thanksgiving Black Friday of humor sale !
    ————————————————————————————————————-

    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
    . ————————————————–
    A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
    1st kid says “A computer”.
    Teacher replies “That’d be very useful.”
    2nd kid says “a new lawn mower” and gets a similar response.
    Little Johnny pops up and says “At my house we don’t need nothin.”
    The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.

    Little Johnny replies, “No I’m sure. When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying,
    “Well, that’s the last damned thing we need.”
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    The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
    ————————————————————————–
    I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business,
    patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.
    A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans,
    with a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a
    “Remember 9-11” slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

    Suddenly they yelled, “praise Allah” and took off before the light changed.
    Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
    For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, ” Man…that could have been me !”
    So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
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    Happy Leftover Day !

  4. Wise Owl says:

    I don’t have anything clever to add, but thank you all for your posts and wish you and your readers a great day and weekend!

  5. Uriel says:

    Oh my….too many funny ones — but the two weird debel dudes are so scary I had to skip past them eeeeeeeeeewwwwwww