Calvin Rickson, an engineer from Texas A&M University, has designed a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and stops nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of Texans took Mr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
A guy walks into a bar in Tennessee and orders a white wine.
All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”
The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada ”
The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada ?”
The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender says, “A taxidermist?
What in the hell is a taxidermist?
Do you drive a taxi?”
“No,” says the Canadian “I don’t drive a taxi, I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”
I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the Paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do Sum Acounting 2.
I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole Person. Pepole really seam to respond goodly to me.
I’m lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it Kant be 2 Complikaited
My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a Job Bcuz of my persinalety..
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want To pay me and wat you think that I am wurth, I can start imeditely.
Thank you in advanse 4 yore Anser.
Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar.
Peggy May McBiggins
PS : I half includeded a pickture of me B low.
Dear Peggy May:
Start on Monday, we have spell check.
signed .. . . . .
From Diogenes Middle Finger:
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill this Christmas season.
This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation’s Capital.
A search for a Virgin also continues.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
Frank and Dianne were in a local shopping center just before Christmas.
Dianne suddenly noticed that Frank was missing, and as they had a lot
to do, she called him on his cell phone. Dianne asked, “Frank, where
are you? You know that we have lots to do.”
Frank said, “Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10
years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace? I could not
afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you.”
Little tears started to flow down Dianne’s cheek, and she got all choked up.
“Yes, I do remember that shop,” she replied.
“Well, I’m in the Hooters next to that store.”
Boudreaux and Trosclair were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics at de Bayou Teche, Louisiana , International Airport . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Boudreaux say, ‘Man, I wish we had somtin to drink!’
Trosclair say, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink dat jet fuel and; get a buzz.’
So dey pour demselves a couple of glasses of high octane gas an get completely smashed.
De next morning Boudreaux wake himsef’ up and is surprise at how good he feel.
In fact he feel GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nuttin!
Then de phone ring. It’s Trosclair. Trosclair say, ‘Hey, how you are dnos morning?’
Boudreaux say, ‘Man, I feel great, how bout you?’
Trosclair say, ‘I feel great, too. You don’ have a hangover?’
Boudreaux say, ‘No dat jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover, nuttin’. We ought to do dis more often..’
Trosclair say, ‘ Yeah, well dey’s just one t’in g.’
‘Have you farted yet?’
‘Well, DON’T – cause I’m in Shreveport
Have a great Friday.