Funny Friday Special ( dare you to say I’m slacking now, ‘Nox!) Reporting live from Texas.
My buddy Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.
Tom wanted two things:
• to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
• to find a wife to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men…
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Jim took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat… And nearly drowned! Jim just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother . “Grandma,” he asked, “Tis me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?”
Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s, troubled blue eyes and said, “Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!”
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters:
Into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
All those who answered “spine” are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes out by email.
DON’T WASH YOUR HAIR IN THE SHOWER
(lt’s so good to finally get a health warning that is useful)
IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT …. A WARNING
TO US ALL!!!
I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair,
the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed
very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,
“FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”
No wonder I have been gaining weight!
Well, I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn dishwashing soap
instead. Its label reads, “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”
A wild eyed, and butt ugly, old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington, DC waiving a pistol and yelled out;
“I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber. I want to know who’s been sleeping with my husband?”
A female voice from the back of the room called out, “You Need More Ammo, Hillary!”
Have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend.