Funny Friday

From Jules (who is galavanting around in the USA pretending she’s working):

Here are my Funny Friday editions for daring to be so lackadaisical last week and not submitting any quality memes.  This week I have decided to take my own pictures and a closer look at what you Americans buy and do whilst I hunker down in Texas.  I think it is only fair for me to raise questions about your fodder and lifestyle choices since you find it admissible (not mentioning any names, Terry and ’Nox) to scorn the delicacies of the Great Empire…

Let’s see, shall we?

Well first off, I think we’re on the same page here and off to a good start.  It seems that “Puffs” are despicable in any size. Congrats to the marketing department on this passive-aggressive, subliminal advertising message. Not to be sneezed at.

However, it seems the rainbow clan has a way of putting you off ice -cream or cookies for life by conjuring up thoughts of those intent on playing the chocolate cha-cha.

I don’t know why, but the above makes me think of guns so off I went to the Gebo’s where I saw this sign.

Having spent a long time in Texas I wouldn’t have thought the likes of the Texan Alpha Male would need his wife’s permission for anything – I’m just going on the evidence of what I’ve witnessed in this awesome state…

Ding Dong!  Hostess with the mostest.  This makes me think of Kenneth Williams in “Carry On Camping” and the sort of food I’d expect to find at a dodgy, suburban “Throw your car keys in the middle of the table” house party.  Not that I’ve ever frequented such an event but I have a vivid imagination.

I don’t want to point out the obvious but it’s clear that I have to. Elbows? Well doesn’t that sound appetising… See, the rest of the world (including the Italians who invented them) call this macaroni. I know that Americans know this since “Mac ’n’ Cheese” is your staple go to and on every single restaurant menu.  So Why are you calling them elbows?  Ridiculous.

But then if you’re going to eat this kind of nonsense below then I give up.  We feed these to our dogs.

Far be it from me to try and make sense of the bastardised American – English lexicon although I do try my best. I think I got the gist of what this particular shop sign writer was trying to say, though, something tells me he was already half cut on a couple of bottles of this cheap plonk before he got down to business.

And then he went to fill up his car….mistake…

I dunno, maybe his “FRENS” dropped in.

And on a lighter note, here’s a nice pony.

—oo—

From Felinity:

—oo—

From I.R. Wayright:

—oo—

From Earl:

—oo—

From Ragnar:

—oo—

From J.P.:

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home
but was stopped by the U..S. Customs Agent at the border.

” May I see your identification, please?” asked the agent.

“I’m sorry, but I lost my wallet,” replied the guy. “Sure buddy, I hear that every day No ID, no entry,” said the agent.

“But I can prove I’m an American!” he exclaimed. “I have a picture of Donald Trump tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other.”

“This I gotta see,” replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.”

By golly, you’re right!” exclaimed the agent.

“Have a safe trip back to Chicago.”

“Thanks!” he said. “But how did you know I was from Chicago?

“The agent replied, “I recognized Obama in the middle.

—oo—

From Terry:

—oo—

From Buck (aka CaptBogus):

—oo—

From ‘Nox:

—oo—

Have a great Friday and a Happy Halloween.

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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13 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. Wise Owl says:

    LOL, I always enjoy your posts, but Fridays sure are special. You all have a pleasant weekend and THANK YOU for publishing all that you do.

  2. Terry says:

    AWESOME FF ! Everyone outdid themselves today.
    Jules, outstanding work. You shall be dealt with later…..
    ———————————————————————————————————

    Top 10 reasons why there are no black
    NASCAR drivers:
    # 10 – Have to sit upright while driving.

    # 9 – Pistol won’t stay under front seat.

    # 8 – Engine noise drowns out the rap music.

    # 7 – Pit crew can’t work on car while holding up pants at
    the same time.

    # 6 – They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

    # 5 – Police cars on track interfere with race.

    # 4 – No passenger seat for the Ho.

    # 3 – No Cadillacs approved for competition.

    # 2 – When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.

    AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN’T BE IN NASCAR..
    # 1 – They can’t wear their helmets sideways
    ——————————————

    After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
    So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.
    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive..

    “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can , then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

    The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

    “Trust me,” said the doctor.

    So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
    He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

    ‘1…2….3…4….5…..

    At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand….
    —————————————————————————————–

    (footnote) Since I included a ‘redneck’ joke along with a ‘black’ joke, the rule book says I cannot be accused of being a racist.

  3. Jules Smith says:

    Galavanting and pretending to be working? I’ve risked my life on several occasions in this land, I’ll have you know. And all in the name of research (AKA spying)

    Terry- You’ll deal with me later? Do you need some time to think of a snarky comeback?! 😉 Well, I’m fair trembling with fear at the thought.

    Nox – you missed out my DING-DONG entry…Maybe that was deliberate so I guess it can be left to the readers imagination.

    Great laughs on here today and no better way to start a Friday. Right, must trot, some of us have WORK to do. Have a smashing weekend;)

    • Hardnox says:

      Thanks for risking your life in the pursuit of journalistic endeavors. I imagine that our big country, and all our peculiarities, must be intimidating to an island dweller such as yourself.

      Fixed the Ding-Dong thingy.

    • Terry says:

      I was going to hit you with a really good snark Jules, but then I realized that you’ve been through enough in your life, what with growing up with spotted dick, English food, and now you have missed out on your Ding-Dong entry….
      How much more can a frail English Bird take ??

  4. Ragnar says:

    He’s coming for your guns….
    first is that a man or a woman…I have a rule to never hit women….
    if “it” pulls on me shoot it.

  5. Shar says:

    Great as always. Especially loved the neutered bobcat reference to HC and the squirrel on the bird feeder. Couldn’t stop laughing. Have a good weekend.

  6. SafeSpace says:

    That pilot with the white cane: Is he Sum Ting Wong? Or Hol E. Fuk? Maybe he is Bang Ding Ow? There, Terry, is your Chink joke!

  7. SafeSpace says:

    Good Lord, help us! Chelsea Clinton is really Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, judging by that photo. That sure explains a lot of what has been happening in the DNC.