Funny Friday

From Hershey:

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put
$1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated. “Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and I
give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”

The old lady said, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That is an honorable profession,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The old lady said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”

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From Gil:

A  visiting Priest was attending a men’s breakfast in Ohio Farm County. He asked one of the impressive older farmers in attendance to say grace that morning. After all were seated, the older farmer began——

“Lord, I hate buttermilk.”

The Priest opened one eye and wondered to himself where this was going.

Then the farmer loudly proclaimed, “Lord, I hate lard.”

Now the Priest was overly worried.

However without missing a beat, the farmer prayed on, “And Lord, you know I don’t care much for raw white flour.”

Just as the Priest was ready to stand and stop everything, the farmer continued,

“But Lord, when you mix ‘em all together and bake ‘em up, I do love fresh biscuits. So Lord, when things come up we don’t like, when life gets hard, when we just don’t understand what you are sayin’ to us, we just need to relax and wait ‘till You are done mixin’, and probably it will be somethin’ even better than biscuits.

Amen.”

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From Earl:




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From Terry:











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From NavyVet:





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From Gil:










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From vonMesser:


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From ‘Nox:













 

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Thanks to everyone for their contributions.

Have a great Friday.

Lefty heads are exploding… which means we are winning!

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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9 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. Shar says:

    All great. Thanks. Good weekend to all.

  2. Terry says:

    Hooray for Funny Friday….Helping to Make America Great Again !!
    ——————————–
    Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
    The lab tech says to him, “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”
    “That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?” asked Mr. Smith.
    “Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”
    “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
    “The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”
    ——————————–
    A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
    The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
    Rather predictably, the minister looked upon the cowboy with scorn – he viewed alcohol as being the work of the devil.
    Nevertheless, the flight attendant then asked him if he would like a drink.
    He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
    The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
    “Me too. I didn’t know we had a choice.”

  3. Wise Owl says:

    TGIF to you all and thank you for the funnies and good info.

  4. Jules Smith says:

    “If it don’t make ya laugh, don’t do it!” Good stuff 🙂 I had a couple entries for the sassy birds that frequent this testosterone blog but forgot to send them. Shame..

    Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

  5. Aussie says:

    Have a good weekend Cousins.

    I know a bad Muslim, Akim
    I throw tomatoes at him
    Tomatoes are soft and don’t hurt the skin
    But these f**kers do
    Cos they’re still in the tin!