Funny Friday

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From Hershey:

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship.

It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles – you can imagine what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction Stow High In Transit, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this “volatile” cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ‘ SHIT ‘, (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word Neither did I.

I always thought it was a golf term.

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From Wendy:

A young father in central Texas watched his small daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

‘Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?’ she asked.

‘They’re mating,’ her father replied.

‘What do you call the spider on top?’ she asked.

‘A Daddy Longlegs,’ her father answered.

‘So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?’ the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, ‘No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.’

‘The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped both spiders flat. ‘Well”, she said, “that may be OK in California, but we’re not having any of that sh$$ in Texas.”

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From Gil:

1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently, a turban, beard, and a backpack weren’t what they had in mind.

2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home safely.

3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

4. A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?’ Granny replies, ‘the hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?”

5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby, ‘What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?’ Hubby looks her up and down and replies, ‘Your sense of humor!’  Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.

6. A chap’s wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. The viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.

7. I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

8. I woke up this morning at 9:00, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered, McDonald’s serves breakfast until 10:30.

9. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”.

10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!” The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.


Ole and his wife, Lena, moved back home to Minnesota from Arizona.

Lena had a wooden leg, and to insure it in Arizona was $2,000.00 per year!!!

When they arrived in Minnesota, they went to Sven, their Insurance Agent, to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. Sven

Sven looked it up on his computer and told the couple, “$39.00.”

Ole was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Minnesota to insure it, because it had cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona !!

Sven turned his computer screen toward the couple and said, “Vell, here it is, direct from the Minnesota Fire Insurance Company, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.”


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, “What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;  likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”

“Well, no,” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken.”


In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breaststroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.

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From I.R. Wayright:

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.  His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.  As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?’ ‘Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?


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From Diogenes Middle Finger:

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From Earl:




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From Jules:












Special entry from Jules for Terry:

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From 219rad:

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From Terry:






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From Ragnar:








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From ‘Nox













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Thanks to everyone for their contributions.  

Have  great Friday.

Remember, don’t forget to piss off a lefty.  Our nation depends on it.  Bahahahahaha!

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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25 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. Jules Smith says:

    Heh! I love funny Fridays. Every single entry made laugh. Apart from the blonde facts…that sort of behaviour seems perfectly normal to me…

    I found the history of the word ‘Stow High In Transit’ very interesting but must confess to Googling this to check it wasn’t FF trickery (apologies Hershey – it wasn’t that I was doubting you but you can’t trust anything that goes on here) and so I’ve learnt something new today along with how to mend my car 🙂

    Y’all have a fabulous weekend and don’t do anything i wouldn’t. 🙂

  2. Terry says:

    Great stuff today! Caddyshack is a true classic, but just about anything with Rodney Dangerfield is. I never tire of “Back To School”.

    *A special Thanks to Jules for the meme 🙂 And , No, still no spots on my dick. Sorry.

    —————————————————————————

    A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

    They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
    Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

    The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!

    She turns to him, invitingly… they kiss…and then they rip each other’s clothes off and make hot steamy love. After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it for you?”
    The guy yawns: “Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.”

    TRUE STORY !

  3. GunnyG says:

    True Story.

    The Gunny is in a bar minding his own business, throwing down a beer to wash the road dust out before hitting the road on his Harley again.

    Fat Woman: “Hey sexy, feel like getting lucky? Got a number?”

    The Gunny: “Sure. Got a pen?”

    Fat Woman: “Yes.”

    The Gunny: “Then you’d better get back in it before the Farmer finds you missing!”

  4. vonMesser says:

    The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

    They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
    Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

    Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. Just how do you guys do it?’ asks Maureen.

    The Martian responds, ‘Pretty much the way you do.’

    A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another..

    Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips..
    He’s got only a teeny-weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

    ‘I don’t think this is going to work,’ says Maureen..

    ‘Why?’ he asks. ‘What’s the matter?’

    ‘Well,’ she replies, ‘it’s just not long enough to reach me!’

    ‘No problem,’ he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long.

    ‘Well,’ she says, ‘that’s quite impressive, but it is still narrow.’

    ‘No problem,’ he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

    ‘Wow!’ she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

    The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways.

    As they walked along, Charlie asks, ‘Well, was it any good?’

    ‘I hate to say it,’ says Maureen, ‘but it was wonderful. How about you?’

    ‘It was horrible,’ he replies.

    ‘All I got was a headache …
    She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.’

  5. Popular Front says:

    A COW’S TAIL : A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
    Naturally the Doctor asked him ‘What happened to YOU?’
    ‘Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
    We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
    I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the cow’s arse.
    Still holding the cow’s tail up I yelled to my wife:
    ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’
    ‘I don’t remember much after that.’

  6. Best Funny Friday EVER! You guys must hang out at some crazy good bars.