Clinton Family Hires OJ Simpson, Citing His Skills And Deviance

Our inside sources here at Hardnox have learned that OJ Simpson, released today on parole from a California prison, may have accepted an offer of employment from John Podesta.  Acting in his official capacity as consiglieri to Hillary Rodham and William Jefferson Clinton, Podesta is believed to have signed Simpson as an “enforcer”, and plans to give The Juice the names of several annoying and talkative conservatives who have proven to be a thorn in the sides of Hillary and Bill.

Simpson is thought to have inked an annual contract with a renewal option, which will be exercised based on OJ’s success in silencing anyone who exposes the Clinton Crime Family’s efforts to embezzle funds from both the American and foreign governments.  Our undercover source believes he heard Podesta comment that both Clintons were impressed with Simpson’s remarkable arrogance, with his utter contempt for justice, and with his superb skill at playing the courts of law and of public opinion like a cheap fiddle.  “And he doesn’t even need botox”, Podesta remarked.

According to Podesta, Hillary is said to be particularly enamored of OJ’s talents, including his ability to play the race card and gain fawning media approval.  “That man can lie with the straightest face I’ve ever seen”, she commented, adding that “he makes me look like a piker”.  Podesta himself is said to have expressed hope that Simpson might be able to dissuade some of the commenters who have dared to interfere with the Clinton’s lucrative trade involving underage boys and girls.

OJ’s first assignment is thought to involve a “visit” to members of the Haitian legal system.  If OJ is able to acquit himself successfully overseas, our source says that OJ is likely to be given higher-profile assignments in the metro DC area.

Simpson’s attorneys have commented that OJ’s ability to “obtain gainful employment within hours of his release” underscores Simpson’s obvious eligibility for parole.

Our sources also learned that Geraldo Rivera has been tasked by his overseers at Fox News with following OJ’s every move, and breathlessly reporting it to his audience (which measures in the hundreds).

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15 Responses to Clinton Family Hires OJ Simpson, Citing His Skills And Deviance

  1. JoAnn says:


  2. Wendy says:

    Well, I don’t really like anything about this, but, OJ’s gonna land himself right back in jail where he still belongs. Hill and Bill just might be able to get prosecuted for this. We can only hope!!!

  3. Terry says:

    Remember to tell your friends you heard it here 1st on CNN (Complete ‘Nox Nonsense)
    Funnt shit SS ! LOL

  4. Shar says:

    From LoveLock County Jail to rocking with the Clintons. What a life.

  5. Popular Front says:

    Regarding Simpson, someone should run a book on how long he lives. I estimate not that long. Just a feeling.

  6. I.R. Wayright says:

    Arnold Horshak, (Waving his hands in the air) “Ooo, Ooo, Ooo, Mr Trump, Mr Trump, Can I be the designated survivor?”

  7. I.R. Wayright says:

    On another note, all the mirrors will be removed from the house O.J. is going to be staying in.
    You wouldn’t want him to find the real killer would you?

  8. Navyvet says:

    How can Hillary call herself a piker compared to the Juice? Hell he only killed two people. Hillary can whack two people before breakfast on any given day and never even spend a minute in the slammer.
    Had she been able to pull off the fraud on election day, I’m sure OJ would have a prominent position in her administration.