Most of you by now, whether you wanted to or not, have heard that Mattel Toys has come out with new editions of the Ken doll. Ken now comes in seven skin tones, three body types, eight hair colors, and nine hairstyles (including cornrows, fade, shaggy dog, quiff and buzz cut). Please don’t ask me which is which. He also has a new closet full of wardrobe possibilities that include skinny suits, faux hipster plaid and beach bum tanks.
But by all accounts, the most in demand is the “Man Bun” Ken, that I’m told comes with shirt, shorts, shoes, $50,000 in student loan debt, his own safe space, and keys to Barbie’s car that he’s driving until he “gets back on his feet again”.
While this is a huge step in repairing bruised egos and feelings of being shunned by society by many confused millennials on the left , it still leaves room for many to feel slighted. Righteously, there should be as many type ‘Kens’ available as there are sexual gender identifications.
I have made a few mock-ups to send to the manufacturer that will help alleviate the pain and isolation for some of the ignored . Place your pointer on their pictures to see their names and get acquainted with them , and possibly pick one out for your favorite lib. Christmas is just around the corner !
POLITICO WANK KENS
RACE BAITER KENS
RELIGION OF PEACE KENS
ANATOMICALLY CORRECT KENS W/PENIS
REAL AMERICAN KEN
See any you like ? Tough choice, huh ? Since I don’t have any lib friends, I’m going with the MAGA KEN. In fact, I think I’ll get a few of them for all of my ex-lib pals. HO HO HO !