Obama dies and he arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“Welcome former President Obama,” says St. Peter.
“Thank you,” says Obama, “I’m ready for my halo and harp. Oh and is there cocaine up here?”
“Well, I have some bad news,” Saint Peter replied, “the boss turned down your application for Heaven so you’re taking the down elevator over there.” Saint Peter pointed.
“Really? But I was a good man! I helped my friends and screwed America over!” Obama whined.
“I’m sorry,” Saint Pete said, “but you told one too many lies to the American people.”
St. Pete badges him into the down elevator and Obama goes down to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lake of steaming poop and while it smells bad, all of his Democrat friends are drinking coffee and eating donuts, standing up to their hips in boiling poop. Nancy Pelosi and Dianne Feinswine were serving everyone as topless waitresses.
“This isn’t so bad, Obama mulls, “it could be worse. I can drink coffee and eat donuts for eternity and Nancy never looked hotter.”
Right then a door opens up and Satan comes out and says, “Coffee break is over you damned Democrats, back on your heads for another 500 years!”
Barack Obama and Joe Biden are on AF One.
Suddenly Joe Biden’s brain engages and he says, “I can throw 100 Benjamins out of this plane and make 100 people happy.”
Obama says, “I can throw 1000 bills out of the plane and make 1000 people happy.”
The pilot over heard this and said, “I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole damn country happy.”
A man died and went to Heaven. He saw Saint Peter in front of him. Behind him was a wall of clocks. The man asked St. Pete, “What are these clocks for?”
St.Peter answered, “These are lie clocks, every time you lie the clock moves once. Look, there’s Mother Teresa’s. She hadn’t lied once so her clock is still. There’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He had lied just once and the clock has just moved once.”
The man asked “Where is Obama’s clock?” St.Pete said, “Oh! It’s in Jesus’s office and he uses it as a ceiling fan.”
A Muslim, a Jackass, and an imbecile go into a bar and the bartender says, “Good Afternoon former President Obama.”