Just some general humor to cleanse the palate…
World’s Shortest Books
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT OUR COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan
& Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton”
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And foreward by
Tiger Woods with John Edwards
HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES
Published by Al Quida Press
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
And the shortest book of them all…………………..
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama
Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Atlanta, and they see a sign on a store which reads, “Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. “
Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Bob, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take’em back to Sand Mountain, sell ‘em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin’ ’cause if they hear your accent, they might think we’re ignorant, and won’t wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I’ll talk in slow Georgia drawl so’s they don’t know we is from Alabama.”
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and…”
The owner of the shop interrupts, “Ya’ll from South Alabama, ain’t ya?”
Well…yeah,” says a surprised Bubba….”How come you knowed that?”
Because this is a dry cleaners”
When NASA started sending astronauts into space, they discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat this problem, Congress approved a program and NASA scientists spent a decade and over $165 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil…
A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that weird hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?” asked the young man.
“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body.” said the father.
The son asked, “And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, “These are ‘babouches”, which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son?”
“Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan and still wearing all this shit?
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure!!!”
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
Oh yeah, let us not forget ObamaCare er… RyanCare…
Oh yeah… and those Russian bastards are still at it!
Yeah, and those snowflakes and the fake news…
Yeah, and those weaselly illegals…
Yeah, and those leftard wannabe dictators that never go away…
Then of course, there’s Leftard morons in general…
Yeah, and then there’s the leftard extraordinaire and mental midget of a House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi…
What we all know for sure…
Lastly, Happy St. Patrick’s Day…
Erin goes braless… or something like that.
(special thanks to Terry, Skip, VonMesser, Wendy, Buck, Hershey, Jim, BB, SafeSpace, Earl, and oh shit… I forgot who else… thanks anyway. )