Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their ‘tourist’ garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ‘drop dead gorgeous’ blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them and they couldn’t help but stare.
As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said ‘Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,’ nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, and said ‘Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,’ and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, ‘Just a minute, young lady.’
‘We are priests and proud of it; but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?’
She replied,’Father, it’s me, — Sister Kathleen. ‘
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”
“Well,” said the big gator, “what have you been eating?”
“Politicians, same as you,” replied the small gator.
“Hmm….Well, where do you catch them?”
“Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.”
“Same here. Hmm… How do you catch them?”
“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat’ em!”
“Same here.” says the big gator “Do you eat Democrats or Republicans?”
“I eat the Democrats” says the little guy.
“Ah!” says the big gator. “I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. You see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Democrat, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.”
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure!!!”
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
(special thanks to SafeSpace, Terry, Skip, Gil and Earl)
Have a wonderful Friday.