Funny Friday

—oo—

The biggest gulf between Americans is not religion, politics or color. The biggest difference is the way old vs. young understand  the history and probably future of the Nation.

There were protesters at the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. There was an elderly woman behind me holding an umbrella. A young female protester offered the lady a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old  woman’s shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, “Ma’am, don’t you care about the people and children of Syria?”

The older woman looked up at her and said: “Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea and a son in Vietnam.  All three died so a dumb bitch like you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country.  If you touch me again, I’ll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it.”

—oo—

The family of five had just finished their Sunday dinner get together when Dad passed out in his lounge chair and eventually wound up on the floor, unresponsive.

One of the kids called 9-1-1 while Mom fretted over him with no positive results.

So off to the hospital they went, following the ambulance, arriving just after they wheeled him into the operating room. Five minutes, ten, thirty passed slowly until finally the Missus was called into a quiet room.

“I’m sorry,” said the Doc, “I’m afraid we couldn’t save him.” “He suffered a massive myocardial infarction.”

She turned and slowly walked back to the remaining members of the family, sobbing into her Kleenex.  “What happened to our Daddy?” they asked.

Unable to remember the official medical term, she blurted out, “He died of a massive internal fart.”

—oo—


(Special thanks to Terry, Skip, Gil, Hershey, I.R. Wayright, SafeSpace, Wendy, von Messer and Earl)

Have a great Friday.  Remember, the left is crying.  It is your duty to smile.

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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6 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. I.R. Wayright says:

    The caption on Pelosi takes this weeks prize.

  2. Terry says:

    Great stuff everybody. Love the DIY Deporter Drone !
    ____________________

    A male patient was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour surgical procedure.
    A young student nurse came into his room, ready to give him a partial sponge bath.
    “Nurse,” he mumbled from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replied: “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body.”
    He struggled to ask again: “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
    Concerned that he might elevate his vitals from concern about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and sheepishly pulled back the covers.

    She raised his gown, held his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.
    Then, she took a close look and said: “No sir, they aren’t. And I assure you, there’s nothing wrong with them!!”

    The man weakly pulled off his oxygen mask, smiled at her and said, very slowly:
    “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely….
    “A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?”

  3. GunnyG says:

    The one on Dumbo in DC was spot on. I stole it today!

  4. Shar says:

    Loved it. Not a dry eye.

  5. SafeSpace says:

    Great ad for ammo. Now if a few of those Germans would replace the paper targets with “refugees”, we might get somewhere…..

  6. malenurseken says:

    Hahahaha thanks. Needed that

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