Funny Friday

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.

My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really.”

“What about that eye patch?”

“Oh,” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”

“You’re kidding,” said the bartender. “You couldn’t lose an eye just from bird crap.”

“It was my first day with the hook.”

—oo–

 

(special thanks to Skip, Gil, Blessed B, Safespace, Terry, vonMesser, Earl, Adrienne, and Forreston for their contributions)

Have a great Friday.  This is what winning feels like.

~ Hardnox

 

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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16 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. All great but I especially like the new US map and the Mozlem Playboy Issue…lmfao!

  2. clyde says:

    That U. S. map works for me.

  3. SafeSpace says:

    That fat “empowered” girl with the gold pasties….. Well, there goes breakfast.

  4. Terry says:

    Great stuff Nox ! Love the W’s Hallelujah !
    Is it just me, or does making fun of the leftards seem even more joyous these days ?
    This is an oldie, but seems more appropriate now :
    —————————

    One sunny day in January, 2017, an old man approaches the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he’d been sitting on a park bench.
    He speaks to the U.S. Marine standing guard and says, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
    The Marine looks at the man and says, “Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
    The old man says, “Okay,” and walks away.

    The following day the same man approaches the White House and says to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
    The Marine again tells the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
    The man thanks him and again walks away.

    On the third day, the same man approaches the White House and speaks to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
    The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looks at the man and says, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I’ve told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”

    The old man looks at the Marine and says, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
    The Marine snaps to attention, salutes, and says, “SEE YOU TOMORROW SIR !”

  5. GruntOfMonteCristo says:

    Awesome work, Nox! My funny bone’s sore!

  6. vonmesser says:

    So three cops show up at the Pearly gates.
    Saint Peter says to the first one “What did you do?”
    He replies “I was a vice cop. I kept drugs and prostitution off the streets”
    Saint Peter says “Come right in”.
    Saint Peter says to the second one “What did you do?”
    He replies “I was a traffic cop. I kept the streets and roads safe”
    Saint Peter says “Come right in”.
    Saint Peter says to the third one “What did you do?”
    He replies “I was a Marine Corps MP for 35 years”
    Saint Peter says “I’ve been waiting for you. Take over the gate while I grab a break”.

  7. Annie Mac says:

    Very clever jokes.Love ’em!

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