Funny Friday

Wife : Do you drink beer?

Husband : Yes

Wife : How many beers a day?

Husband : Usually about three

Wife : How much do you pay per beer?

Husband : $5.00 which includes a tip

Wife : And how long have you been drinking?

Husband : About 20 years, I suppose

Wife : So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.

In one year, it would be approximately $5400 – correct?

Husband : Correct

Wife : If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?

Husband : Correct

Wife : Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account
and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Husband: Do you drink beer?

Wife : No.

Husband : Where is your airplane?

—oo—

So I was walking downtown and saw a “Muslim Book Store.”;

I wondered what exactly a Muslim book store was, so I walked in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye but asked if he could help.

I imagine I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”;

“Kiss my ass, get out, and stay out”, he blurted

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

—oo—

 


(Special thanks to Terry, Wendy, Skip, Gil, Hershey, and Earl)

7 more days….

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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7 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. clyde says:

    Good shit. Wished today was next Friday.

  2. Terry says:

    OMG…did moochie really wear all of those clown costumes ? SMH.

    ———————————————-

    Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking “who´s blood is this?” and “How did you get it?”

    —————————————–

    For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

    “You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them. “That I’m going to give you a special gift…

    “I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”

    And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

    The two handsome figures approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from where shortly there could be heard a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches…

    Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
    “You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.

    Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said:

    “Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll shit on its head.”


    ————————————

    A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?”
    “No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.
    “Will you use it to gamble?”
    “I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”
    “Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?” “Are you NUTS!? I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”
    The man said, “Well, I’m not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I’m going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

    The bum was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.”
    The man replied: “That’s OK. I just want her to see what a man who’s given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like. ”
    —————————————-

    See y’all here next Friday for the YUUUGE celebration !!

  3. SafeSpace says:

    ‘Nox: An EPIC collection of pics — thanks for the big smile!

  4. captbogus2 says:

    Thanks, guys. So many of these will end up on my FB page.

  5. Today is the last Sunday that hussein will be pResident

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