Bubba was driving down a back road in South Carolina …
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
“Lordy mercy!” he says to himself,”
“Them’s my three favorites”!
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
‘Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
‘I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!’
‘If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!’ she replied… ‘He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!’
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
Do you always run in the nude?’ one asked.
‘Oh yes!’ he replied, gasping in air. ‘It feels so wonderful.
Another runner moved a long side. ‘Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?’
‘Oh, yes’ our friend answered breathlessly. ‘That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!’
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, ‘Do you always wear a condom when you run?’
‘Nope..just when it’s raining.’
I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a “social session” with family or friends.
Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and a few vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That’s when I did something slightly different – I took a taxi home.
Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don’t know where I got it, and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.
So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.
(hat-tip to Terry, Wendy, Gil, BB, Skip, 219rad)
Happy New Year!