Immigration News From Canada (sorta)

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The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.   “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken.  When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

 

This enterprising lib brought his 'Green Energy' transport with him.

This enterprising lib brought his ‘Green Energy’ transport with him.

 “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips.  When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.”

Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s.

“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD’s, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.

 

The LGBT's will welcome their new currency

The LGBT’s will welcome their new currency

 “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said.  “After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?

 

~H/T to my Lovely Wendy and to Anonymous 

~Terry

 

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23 Responses to Immigration News From Canada (sorta)

  1. Just Gene says:

    “Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps” Maybe we can put those FEMA camps to good use!
    luvya

  2. myfoxmystere says:

    Hahahaha! That’s a good one Terry. Maybe some of them are heading south to Mexico as well?

    • Terry says:

      I sure hope so Myfox.
      At least Mexico won’t have to worry about them taking away any jobs, because they damn sure won’t pay them $15 /hr to flip fajitas.

  3. Jerry Weihe says:

    Just found your website. Political satire is good for the Christian Conservative soul

  4. Blessed B says:

    LMAO! I didn’t know that Canada had a version of the Onion!

    Sorry to say….. Canada will not be building a wall…we don’t have the monies to undertake such a big project.

    Sneaking across the border into Canada is not such an easy endeavour….I posted before on a photographer’s journey along the border and how his eyes were opened.
    http://hardnoxandfriends.com/2016/07/14/photographers-eyes-opened-on-epic-road-trip-along-canada-u-s-border/

  5. Blessed B says:

    BTW….Our currency is color coded for Liberals who are too stupid to look at the dollar amounts on the dollar bill! It’s also why we now have a coin for the $1.00 bill called a Loonie and a coin for the $2.00 bill called a Toonie. We had to get rid of the Penny also cuz it was too difficult for the ‘useful idiots’ to count out pennies to the nickel!

  6. SafeSpace says:

    Thanks, Terry: This is my nomination for Column Of The Week!

  7. GunnyG says:

    HILARIOUS! Take a bow Terry!

  8. Blessed B says:

    Here’s some info that I just received tonight. We were talking to a CBSA guy ( Canadian Border Security) and we asked him if there had been any Americans trying to immigrate to Canada through the Alberta crossing. He said that just at the Coutts Border crossing…they’ve had 8000 Americans coming to the Border in the past 3 days and asking to be given Political Asylum cuz Trump was going to do this or that! All were told to go home and fix the mess they had made! 4 of the idiots decided to try and sneak across at Del Bonita when they were turned back at the border crossing…hoofing it cross country! They were spotted by a farmer who called the RCMP and they were picked up and escorted back to the USA. Those 4 will never be allowed back into Canada during their lifetime!

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