Funny Friday

This is so disappointing. CNN reported today that Walt Disney’s new film called “Jet Black,” the African-American version of “Snow White” has been cancelled.

All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing “Hi Ho, Hi Ho” because they say it offends black prostitutes.

They also say there ain’t no way in hell they’re gonna sing “It’s off to work we go.”


 

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, “I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I’m not leaving until I do.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, “Do any of the girls have the clap?” Of course, the Madam said no. He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT’S the girl I want!”

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, “Why did you pick the only girl in the place with the clap, instead of one of the others?”

He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter.

After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the clap that I just caught.

When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones, and he’ll catch the clap.

Then, when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the clap, and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!


 

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the bar just outside the American Legion Post.

A ragged old Army ground pounder was standing near the edge with a fishing line in the puddle.

A curious young Marine fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing.

“Fishing,” the old sergeant simply said. “Poor old fool,” the Marine officer thought to himself, and he invited the old Army soldier into the bar for a drink.

As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the haughty fighter pilot asked, “And how many have you caught today?”

“You’re number ten” the old Army sergeant answered. 2 Air Force, 3 Navy & 5 Marines.


 

Exercise Program for those over 60

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.


This is how it all started…

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Spelling is important…

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Now about those BLM assholes…

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Monday is debate night…

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January 20. 2017


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January 21, 2017

 

(Special thanks to Skip, VonMesser, I.R Wayright, Terry, Blessed B, and Gil for their contributions)

Have a great Friday.

Your turn…

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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11 Responses to Funny Friday

  1. HAHAHAHAH! Got me laughing right out of the gate, folks! Great first joke, and it only got better from there. Thanks!

    • Hardnox says:

      Thanks, the first written joke was courtesy of vonMesser.

      • Terry says:

        Those were AWESOME ‘Nox ! Great batch this week.
        ———————————————————————-

        At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”

        ”Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.”

        “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

        “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”

        “Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.”

        “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”
        “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO.

        “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete d**k.”

      • Terry says:

        RE : 1st joke

        Did ya hear the Miss Black USA pageant only had 49 contestants this year ?

        Nobody wanted to be Miss I-Da-Ho.

  2. Wetzel says:

    By the time Friday rolls around, the events of the week have me wondering if I’m discouraged or just mad. This feature always puts my smile back on my face. I appreciate all of you!

    • Hardnox says:

      Thanks for the kind words Wetzel. Humor is a good antidote for what ails us. It is also what makes us so much different than lefties who have no sense of humor whatsoever. That stated, they sure do provide us with a lot of ammunition. Bwhahahaha