Funny Friday – August 5, 2016

The Richland Police report finding a man’s body in the Columbia River, near the confluence of the Yakima River at Columbia Park. The dead man’s name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, & a ‘Hillary for President’ T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum.

It was discovered the police removed the Hillary T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.  In spite of what Liberals & BLM sometime think, the police do care.

—oo—

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight.  While enroute home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.  For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man’s head.  The wife shouts, ‘Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited the money.’

HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.

HE paid for your new 20 ft. Ranger Fishing Boat.

HE paid for your Packer season tickets.

HE paid for our house at the lake.

HE paid for your Golf Trip to St Andrews and your new 4 x 4.

HE paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, ‘What would you do’?

The cabby replies, ‘I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.’

—oo—

In case you were wondering….  yes, it’s true.

bear

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N & F crack reporting at the DNC Convention last week:

Post-Hillary-Cover

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Email-confetti

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Obama-endorse-Hillary

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Bernie News….

Bern

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bernie

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crazy bitch

The DNC Hacked emails…

Schultz

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bounce

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DNC-Hack

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thelma&louise

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Hillary-Amateur

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Bill on the Stump…

Bill-meets-Hillary

Bill at the DNC Convention…

billary

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l3fQvXfgmM8nAeLCw

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In other Dim News…

fbi

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Columbo

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Meanwhile on the campaign trail…

bikers

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desk

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liar

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dummies

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emails

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image

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malikobama

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Putin-for-Trump

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International News – mutterings from SoS Bolt Neck ….

Enemy-No-one

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Hotest Selling Tee-Shirt in Europe…

Europe

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Latest News from Germany…

Germany —oo—

A few observations on Lefties and their fellow travelers…

lefties

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lefties2

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lefties3 —oo—

Latest Intel Coming from Mexico…

messicans —oo—

Racism in America…

racist

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i-never-owned-any-slaves-etc

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News on Radical Christians…

radicalchristians

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Women News…

crazy-cat-lady

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Some-women

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Thatcher

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WH

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Latest News from Brazil…

Brazil2016

—oo—

Irrefutable Scientific Facts:

daily_picdump_1265_640_24

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Lastly…

offended

—oo—

(special thanks to Wendy, Uriel, Skip, Hershey for their contributions)

Have a great Friday and a fabulous weekend.

~ Hardnox

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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6 Responses to Funny Friday – August 5, 2016

  1. Terry says:

    PIMP again here !
    Good stuff ‘Nox. I guess everybody is busy watching the Olympics in The Slums tonight.
    This is the best I can do for now :

    A Husband and Wife are sitting quietly on the sofa reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the following question…
    Wife: “What would you do if I died? would you get married again?”

    Husband: “Definitely not!”
    Wife: “Why not? don’t you like being married?”
    Husband: “Of course I do.”
    Wife: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
    Husband: “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.”
    Wife: “You would?” (with a hurt look)
    Husband: (makes audible groan)
    Wife: “Would you live in our house?”
    Husband: “Sure, it’s a great house.”
    Wife: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
    Husband: “Where else would we sleep?”
    Wife: “Would you let her drive my car?”
    Husband: “Probably, it is almost new.”
    Wife: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
    Husband: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
    Wife: “Would you give her my jewelry?”
    Husband: “No, I’m sure she’d want her own.”
    Wife: “Would you take her golfing with you?”
    Husband: “Yes, those are always good times.”
    Wife: “Would she use my clubs?”
    Husband: “No, she’s left-handed.”

    Long silence…..

    Husband: “Damn.”
    ——————————-

    A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
    The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
    “Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.
    “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

    The vet sighed, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a old dog. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
    He turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!?”
    The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”

  2. Popular Front says:

    Greetings from Australia! I came across your site via Diogenes Middle Finger and I like it. A little humour lifts the gloom, especially around election time. We’ve just had ours and now we’re watching yours unfold. Cheers to all here, I’ll be back!

    • Hardnox says:

      Welcome to N&F I hope you visit us often. Yes, humor is a good remedy for what ails us.

      It seems that liberty minded people the world over are pissed and retaking what is rightfully theirs. We Yanks hope you Aussies chose wisely and got what you wanted.

    • Terry says:

      Hello Popular Front & Welcome !
      I spent a few wonderful weeks in your beautiful country and may be back if HildaBeast swindles this election. Keep the 4X cold !