Politically Correct 2015:
1. He doesn’t have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He’s developed a… ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is… ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3 He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He… ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in… ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of… RECTAL – CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see exposed in the back of his pants – It’s… ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE.’
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes”.
After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”
She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
If you are going to talk about foreign policy with an Obama supporter, remember this….
Most of them believe that “Iran” is what they did after they robbed the liquor store.
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, “I’m sleeping with the minister’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for
Mike doesn’t like it, but being a friend he agrees.
After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you
The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says, “You better hurry home.
My wife died a year ago.”
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.
“Janie, do you have a story to share?”
“Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
“She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
“She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
”Good Heavens,” said the horrified teacher. “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story’?”
“Don’t Screw with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Hillary Clinton fans.
Not really knowing what a Hillary Clinton fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not a Hillary Clinton fan.”
The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Hillary?”
Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”
The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
Little Johnny replied, “That would make me a Hillary Clinton fan.”
(hat-tip to Skip, Blessed B, Crawfish, Garnet, Hershey, von Messer, Saltywater, Grouchy)
Have a great Friday.