Funny Friday – May 22, 2015

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacist’s’ Counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.

The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?”

Being I’m a senior citizen…I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me, and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?”

The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!”

So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!” Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don’t care though, because they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!!

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In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced. A question forced it’s way out… she simply had to know.. She met the Fortune Teller’s gaze, tried to steady her voice and asked,

“Will I be acquitted?”

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Text message from the dog…

Have a great Friday.

~ Hardnox

 

About Hardnox

Constitutional Conservative that Lefties love to hate.
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6 Responses to Funny Friday – May 22, 2015

  1. Kathy says:

    LOL, a good way to start out Friday!!

    Mall Shopping

    So, I was walking through the mall, and went into a Muslim Bookshop.

    The clerk asked if he could help me, so I asked for a copy of the U.S. Immigration Policy Book regarding Muslims.

    The clerk said, “You asshole, get out, and stay out.”

    I said, “Yes, that’s the one.”

  2. WTXGunRunner says:

    Good Stuff there, Nox!

    ~~~***~~~
    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!”
    “Naw” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
    “Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
    About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?”
    “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said.

    “The sharks got ’em.”
    ~~~***~~~
    A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
    When the exam was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
    “Well, in plain English,” the doctor said, “you’re just lazy.”
    “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
    ~~~***~~~
    A daddy mommy and baby mole are in their hole relaxing one morning when daddy mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, “I smell pancakes”.
    Mommy mole sticks her head out the tiny hole and says, “I smell pancakes too…pancakes with maple syrup!! Baby mole come smell the pancakes with maple syrup”.

    Baby mole sticks his head upwards to get to the hole and exclaims “I can’t smell anything but
    Mole asses”
    ~~~***~~~
    Morris, a city boy, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
    The next day, the farmer drove up and said,
    “Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.”
    “Well then just give me my money back.”
    “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
    “OK, then. Just unload the donkey.”
    “What ya gonna do with him?”
    “I’m going to raffle him off.”
    “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
    “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
    A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked,
    “Whatever happened with that dead donkey?”
    “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998. ”
    “Didn’t anyone complain?”
    “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”
    ~~~***~~~
    Have yourselves a super weekend, everyone and Remember Our Vets on Memorial Day! God Bless America

  3. CW says:

    LOL – Pee Wee Herman started the Waco shootout!

    *****************

    Dylan is in line at the Supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and is giving him a big ‘hello’.

    He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although her face is vaguely familiar, Dylan can’t place where he might know her from, so he says, ‘Sorry, do you know me?’

    She replies, ‘I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children.’

    Dylan’s mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. “Oooh,” he says nervously, “did we meet at Frank’s stag party in Newport? When I was released from the police station and got back to the hotel room, you had gone.”

    “No,” she replies, ‘I’m your son’s English Teacher.”

  4. Clyde says:

    The ISIS strip club was hilarious. bwahahaha The rest is all good too.

  5. 219rad says:

    All good stuff.

    A Mexican, an Arab, and a TEXAS girl are in the same bar.

    When the Mexican finishes his beer,
    he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.

    He says, ‘In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’

    The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer
    (cuz he’s a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.

    He says, ‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’

    The TEXAS girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp,
    throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.

    Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,she says,
    ‘In TEXAS , we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.’

    God Bless
    TEXAS!

    IN GOD WE TRUST!

  6. A man and his wife was traveling down the road on a divided highway when they met a state policeman. The man driving didn’t have his seatbelt on and the state policeman was looking directly at him. He said maybe I should put it on. He then looked in the rear view mirror and the state policemen was turning across the median and got behind him and pulled him over. The policeman walked up and asked to see his driver license and his registration. He then asked the driver if he had his seatbelt on when he met him. The man said. I got it on haven’t I. He asked a second time and got the same response. The policeman walked around to the other side of the car and asked his wife if her husband had his seatbelt on when he met him? She said officer, I don’t like to argue with him when he’s been drinking.