Windows : Please enter your new password.
User : cabbage
Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
User : boiled cabbage
Windows : Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
User : 1 boiled cabbage
Windows : Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
User : 50boiledcabbages
Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
User : 50DAMNboiledcabbages
Windows : Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
User : 50BoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss!
Windows : Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
User : ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
Windows : Sorry, that password is already in use.
Two guys in their mid-twenties sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man you look tired.”
His buddy says, “Dude I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time, three times a night every night. I just don’t know what to do.”
A fellow about 65, sitting a couple of stools down had also overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to it”
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, ‘Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’
The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, ‘Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, ‘It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the
best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Nico the Wonder Dog, who weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (Well what did she think I had, an elephant?)
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
She asked me if it works…(WHY oh WHY did she ask me that???) I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat a few every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (Practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and got hit by a parking car.
Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.
Once upon a time a Military Aviator asked a beautiful princess, “Will you marry me?” The princess said, “No!”
And the aviator lived happily ever after and flew in helicopters all over the world and drove hot cars and chased long-legged, big-breasted women and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank Belgium beer and forty year old single malt scotch and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was deployed and all his friends and family thought he was unbelievably cool. And he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.
Lastly, Hitler opines about the latest Hildabeast email fiasco
(hat-tip Skip, Hershey, Gene, and Buck)
Have a great Friday. I hope this spell of Global Warming ends soon. I’m sick of it.