Mother Who Chose To Give Up Son With Down Syndrome Speaks Out

from If You Only News

~~ I posted the father’s side of the story HERE Just a few days ago. Now the mother is speaking out. IMHO…..mom is trying to save face. She says that the father never discussed taking her to New Zealand with him and the son. Perhaps they had had that discussion before baby Leo was on the scene and she had said that she wouldn’t leave her family or Armenia??? Perhaps the father already knew her answer if he had asked again?

She says she had to make the most ruthless decision of her life in just a couple of hours. HUH? Sorry, but that doesn’t fly with me. She could have opted to tell everyone ( Doctors and family) to go take a giant leap off a short mountain. She could have opted to have her baby ( And her husband!) and face whatever challenges they would have raising Leo together. It came down to a matter of priorities basically. What was more important to her in her life.

I know it’s difficult! Though I tend to look at it in this perspective…..nothing worth having comes without some difficulties. Having my son came with some difficult decisions to make….giving him up was never one of those. If it had meant walking across a lake of fire….I willingly would do that for him.

I was willing before to give her some leniency for her decision. Now….I’m thinking that we aren’t being told the whole truth by her……

Whatever the case maybe for her decision…. I feel pity for her. It hasn’t sunk in yet what she gave up…..but it will! Of that I am certain!

~Blessed B~

Photo source: 'Bring Leo Home' Go Fund Me Page

Ruzan Badalyan’s choice to give up her son Leo, who was born with Down Syndrome, has come under rash judgment after her husband shared the family’s story with ABC News.
She posted her heart-wrenching reasoning on her Facebook page, which is reminiscent of Sophie’s Choice.
She says:
I had to make the most ruthless decision in my life within several hours.
She continues:
Thus, I spent the hours after Leo’s birth trying to collect my will and decide on the best destiny for the kid. Everyone in our family realised that the baby’s interests should be placed first and only his move to another country could remedy the situation, something that Sam himself also accepted.
She concluded her post saying:
As a mother who has faced this severe situation, being in the hospital under stress and depression, experiencing enormous pressure from every side, not finding any support from my husband’s part on any possibilities of giving a child decent life in Armenia, I faced two options: to take care of the child on my own in Armenia, or to abandon my maternal instincts and extend the baby an opportunity to enjoy a decent life with his father in New Zealand. I went for the second option.
The newborn’s father has raised over $450,000 via GoFundMe to not only assist with his expenses to move back to his home country of New Zealand and raise his son, but also to fund programs for special needs children in Armenia.
You can read Badalyan’s entire message below.
ruzanbadalyanpost

 

 

 

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11 Responses to Mother Who Chose To Give Up Son With Down Syndrome Speaks Out

  1. Kathy says:

    It sounds like there could be some kind of rules in place that require an immediate decision from the mother/parents, but as to her speaking out, I’d agree with you – she’s trying to save face, and possibly get back in good graces with her husband. After all, he now has almost a half million dollars he didn’t have at the time.

    Who refers to their newborn son as ‘the kid’? Sounds a little callous to me.

    The saddest part of this is that somewhere in Armenia there are orphanages full of kids like Leo who are growing up with the knowledge their parents didn’t want them.

    • Blessed B says:

      There could be some sort of rule….though I think the medical establishment doesn’t want parents to have the time to discuss it nor will they let the parents see their child during this decision making.

      As I said in my other post about the father’s version….. even the hospital here kept our son hostage in the NICU while the Doctor told us all the horror stories, lies and myths about his condition…..we weren’t allowed to see him or hold him before we had this meeting with the Doctor. If I hadn’t been confined to my bed due to a C-section and could have gotten up and been able to walk to the NICU myself, I would have raised a big stink to see my son!

      I found some info about those orphanages….http://armenianweekly.com/2010/10/06/inside-the-orphanages-of-armenia/

      There have also been sexual abuse, mental abuse and physical abuse reported at these institutions!

      A mother who hasn’t had the chance to bond with her child could refer to the child as “the kid”….. she doesn’t sound though as if she felt much emotion about the decision made at all IMHO.

  2. CW says:

    Ditto what Kathy said.

    I’m not sure what I’m missing but I’m confused by her response. I think the moral to the story here is that the decision to become a parent should not be taken lightly. It sounds like these two weren’t financially prepared (even under the best of circumstances), nor were they committed to each other or their unborn child. I know that’s become the norm today but it stinks.

    • Blessed B says:

      I was also confused by her response….I think what it’s lacking is any sort of showing of emotion towards her son. She seems more worried about her image than the child.

      As for being financially prepared… not many are able to do that even in the best of countries. Armenia has a high unemployment rate….many live in poverty there….so I doubt any in Armenia actually plan for a child financially.

      It sort of sounds to me that there could have been some tension already between the parents about being in Armenia to begin with.

      I do know that even in North America the divorce rate for parents that have a child with special needs is staggering! Approx. 90% of marriages will end in divorce after the birth of a special needs child.
      http://www.families.com/blog/divorce-rate-higher-among-couples-with-special-needs-children
      ~~Marriage is hard. Even in the best of circumstances, with a couple who is head over heels in love with each other, there will be difficult times. I think we have all heard the much touted statistic that states that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. This percentage jumps to between 80% and 90% for couples who have a child with special needs.~~

  3. Grouchy says:

    That child, Leo, has a gift to give. Look at that photo, and there is a wealth of beauty in that soul, and a wealth of Love and Teaching, as well.
    Sadly, that mother will never know the preciousness of that child.

  4. vonMesser says:

    All she has to do is stop her divorce proceedings and go with her husband. Easy (If she actually loves him and wants the child)

    • Blessed B says:

      Yep…easy peasy actually. They have the funds now to just leave Armenia together as a family.

      I don’t think though that she really wants to be with her husband or Baby Leo….just a feeling I get anyways.

  5. Garnet92 says:

    And ditto what CW said.

    Bringing a child into the world when one isn’t prepared to support him/her is a sin and doing so when husband and wife can’t agree on the most basic aspects of being a family is worse. And even worse yet, is when the baby will have ongoing special needs. That is unforgivable. Children are the most precious of gifts from God and to show antipathy to one’s spouse and newborn child is not only selfish, but repugnant.

    • Blessed B says:

      She mentions that the family were all in tears…. I don’t understand that part myself unless the family saw it as a tragedy. They should have been rejoicing for this new life and Blessing that was given to them, regardless of the obvious special needs….

      I don’t think that most couples spend enough time talking about being parents before hand. They don’t find out that they are at odds on parenting techniques until after the fact. Then when they have a child with special needs…..well that just throws everything into a tail spin.

      There just isn’t enough factual information given to the parents even after the child is born by the medical community…..

      So many areas that need to be changed and so little time given to each to change them.