Yay, it’s Friday!!!!!!!!!!
Late Monday morning, the grizzled fighter pilot finally regained consciousness…
He found himself in agonizing pain in the base hospital’s ICU, with tubes up every fundamental orifice, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He remembered he’d been in a serious flying accident Saturday.
The nurse gave the fighter pilot a serious, deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Well, can I feel your boobs, then?”
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name
“Fred,” he replies
“Fred what?” the officer asks.
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
The biker replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship , residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. ”
“After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.”
“Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred.”
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the 2nd mom, Ann, and said, “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turned to the 3rd mom, Jane. “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the 4th mother, Kate, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, “Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.”
(hat-tip Kathy, Gil, Crawfish, Hershey)
Have a great Friday and a better weekend.