A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo…right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one. Quickly the ‘gorilla’ becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the ‘human-like’ gorilla.
About a month in, the craze has started to wear off, so to get people’s attention again, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions’ den next to him.
A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions’ den. He starts screaming “HELP! HELP!” Suddenly a lion pounces on him from behind and whispers in his ear “Shut the hell up right now or you’re going to get us both fired.”
A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze – perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, ‘Take the dog for a walk.’
Happy Friday, y’all, have a great weekend.
(sitting in for Hardnox who is AWOL right now and owes me overtime pay) 🙂
(h/t to Blessed B and Wendy)