An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.
“Judge Garber has just died” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.”
Replied the governor: “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the undertaker.”
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?”
Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, “Hello, son, is your Grandma home?”
The little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”
The minister fainted.
A small zoo in Alabama acquired a rare gorilla, who quickly became agitated. The zookeeper determined that the female ape is in heat, but there were no male apes available for mating.
The zookeeper approached a redneck janitor with a proposition. “Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500? he asked.
The janitor accepted the offer, but only on three conditions: First, I don’t want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this. The zookeeper agreed to the conditions and asked about the third.
“Well,” says the janitor, “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00.
Have a great Friday everyone, and as always, please add your own.
(sitting in for Hardnox who’s having major internet/satellite problems due to the weather)