A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mom comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”
“What?” said her Grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog, because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!
A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.
“Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?” she asked.
Yeah,” he replied, “But be fair, you were only eleven at the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Meanwhile in Sochi…
Government surveyors came to Ole’s farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.
The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, “Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter.”
Ole replied, “What’s the bad news?”
The surveyors stated, “Well, after our work here, we discovered your farm is not in Minnesota but is actually in Wisconsin!”
Ole looked at Lea and said, “That’s the best news I have heard in a long time. I just told Lena this morning that I don’t think I can take another winter in Minnesota.”
A man dies. He was miserable his whole life and mistreated his wife, who despised him, for their entire marriage.
The wife goes down to the local paper to place the obituary. When asked what she would like them to print, she says, “Joe died.”
The clerk, somewhat perplexed responds, “Is that all? Why you haven’t even used up the five free words included in the basic cost of printing the obituary.”
She looks at the clerk, thinks for a few moments and says “Joe died, Chevy for sale.”
Fred was driving home from one of his business trips, in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride .
With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got into the car. Resuming the journey, Fred tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Fred.
“What in bag?” asked the old man.
Fred looked down at the brown bag and said: “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”
The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
“Good trade . . …”
Bob was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
“What’s up Bob?” asked the bartender… It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.”
“It’s my five year old son…” the man replied
“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? My lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically.
“I only wish it was that,” continued Bob, “ but it’s far worse than that. The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant.”
“Get away, that’s impossible!”gasped the bartender.
“It’s not,” said Bob.
“The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms.”
An older gentleman had an appointment to see his urologist, who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large, unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist shouted,”YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice yelled, ‘NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.’
(hat-tip to Rose Ann, Grouchy, Mrs AL, Skip, Gil, Blessed Bee, J.P., Kathy)
Have a great Friday and a better weekend.