Early one morning, an elderly retired fighter pilot yelled to his wife…
“Honey! Come see what I created! It’s an abstract panorama depicting the five years of the Obama presidency!”
She yelled back, “Flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast.”
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one Day.
As they walk, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“I am entering” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?
” First Place ,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: “Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”
” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the heck is Obama?” asked Pinocchio.
A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to the Mountains of Tennessee and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
“Anybody home?” she asked.
“Yep,” came a kid’s voice through the door.
“Is your father there?” asked the social worker.
“Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in,” said the kid.
“Well, is your mother there?” persisted the social worker.
“Ma? Nope, she left just before I got here,” said the kid.
“But,” protested the social worker, “are you never together as a family?”
“Sure, but not here,” said the kid through the door. “This is the outhouse!”
– Government workers are so very smart. Aren’t you overjoyed that they’ll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical needs?
Two guys in their mid-twenties where sitting at a bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man you look tired.”
His buddy says, “Dude I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do.”
A fellow about 70, sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says …..
“Marry her. That’ll put a stop to it!”
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 69.
I’m so happy, because I live at number 72.
So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards, and it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road!
In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas of course.
As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ‘Stow High In Transit’ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘, ( Stow High In Transit ) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
I had always thought it was a golf term.
(hat-tip to Gil, Skip, Buck, Bob, Kathy)
Have a great Friday.