They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan.
To everyone’s surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken.
This would most certainly have a negative effect on his approval rating. He was almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, ‘Just how many is a brazilian?’
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion, either.
Obama goes on a State visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack.
The undertakers tell the US diplomats: “You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100.”
The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks: “Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?”
One diplomat replied: “More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. “We simply can’t take that risk”.
We had a power outage this week and my Laptop, TV, and iPad were shut down, and it was raining so I couldn’t play golf.
So I talked to my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates… As he enters, he asks St. Peter, ‘I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’
St. Peter said, ‘That’s a question only God can answer.’
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, ‘God, please – I must know Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’
God simply replied ‘You are what you are.’
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, ‘Well, did God straighten out your query for you?’
The zebra looked puzzled.. ‘No sir, God simply said ‘You are what you are.”
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, ‘Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..’
The zebra asked St. Peter, ‘How do you know that for certain?’
‘Because,’ said St. Peter, ‘If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, ‘You is what you is..’
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.
“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.” He said, “screw him, give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
(hat-tip Skip, Hershey, Wendy, Kathy, Buck)
Have a great Friday. be sure to add your own contributions below.