The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair …. Kill her!!’
The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’
The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job.
Take your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, But I can’t kill my wife.’
The agent said, ‘You don’t Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’
Finally, it was the woman’s turn.
She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls..
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said. ‘I had to kill him with the chair!
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.
“On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, “Now, back off or I’ll kick the crap out of all of you!”
St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”
“Couple of minutes ago.”
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife (a blonde) is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel, ‘ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?
A teacher asks each of the kids in class what they need at home.
Joey says “A computer.” The teacher replies, “That would be very useful.”
Kimmy says “A new lawn mower” and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says “At my house we don’t need anything!”
The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, “No I’m sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying,
‘Well, that’s the last friggin thing we needed.’ “
(hat-tip Crawfish, Skip, J.P., Gil, Grouchy, Garnet92)
Happy Friday, feel free to add your own below.