A new priest, born and raised in rural Alabama comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out
of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, “Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like ‘yes, I see,’ and ‘yes, go on,’ and ‘I understand.’
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying, “No shit, what happened next?”
A black guy and a redneck go into a pastry shop.
The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.
The black guy says to the redneck: “You see how clever we are? You rednecks can never beat that!”
The redneck says to the black guy: “Watch this, any Redneck is smarter than a roundhead, and I’ll prove it to ya.”
He says to the baker, “Give me a cookie, I’ll show you a magic trick!” The baker gives him the cookie, which redneck promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker: “Give me another cookie for my magic trick.”
The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him.
He eats this one too.
Then he says again: “Give me one more cookie…”
The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway.
The Redneck eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: “And where is your famous magic trick?”
The redneck says, “Look in the black guys pocket!”
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed – as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he
In a quiet voice he said, “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I do remember that shop.”
He replied, “Well, I’m in the pub next door.”
A Texas teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a glow.
She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” Sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots’..
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so’, like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear ’em’.
Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.
Helping him with his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens’?
He said, ‘I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots so’s I wouldn’t lose em’.
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
(hat-tip Kathy, Rose Ann, Kenny, Skip, Garnet)
Have a great Friday. Be sure to add your own below.