During a lady’s medical examination, the doctor says: “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
“No! No! Don’t remove your clothes… Just stick out your tongue”.
In case you didn’t already know this little tidbit of trivia….
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to earth and heard by millions, but just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark – “good luck, Mr. Gorsy.”
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut, however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the ‘good luck, Mr. Gorsky’ statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question about Mr. Gorsky to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded, because Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
Here is the answer to “who was Mr. Gorsky”:
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-western town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by their bedroom window.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “sex! you want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”
WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS!
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow.
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” -Moses Hadas.
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain.
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde.
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill replied “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.”
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop.
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright.
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb.
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson.
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating.
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand.
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain.
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork..” – Mae West.
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde.
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912).
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder.
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho
ObamaCare Tech Team Arrives
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Woodbridge, Virginia just off I-95 where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
(hat-tip Pat, Rose Ann, Hershey, Skip, Kathy, Wendy)
Be sure to add your own below.
Have a great Friday.