Breaking News : The ABA

 
dog news 
N&F News
Nov. 11, 2013
 

The U.S. government has just passed a new law : The Affordable Boat Act (ABA) declares that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new laws ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of their own, because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets; not included are monthly usage fees.

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so…its only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

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If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat….or ANYTHING else..

Yeah…it’s that stupid !

 ~Terry

H/T To my dentist, Dr. B.

If not for him, I WOULD HAVE a boat !

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18 Responses to Breaking News : The ABA

  1. randy63ism says:

    Hahahahahaha!!! Affordable Boat Act!

    Hey wait a minute! It doesn’t include the anchor does it?

    Not to mention rudder. Fact is, we’ve been rudderless at the ship of state for over five years now and the squalls are fast approaching.

    Sigh.

  2. Mrs AL says:

    Oh this is tooooo good, Terry! My compliments.
    And randy is spot-on as well.

  3. Clyde says:

    Makes about as much sense as the ACA does. Good one, Terry.

  4. Buck says:

    Never owned a boat. My cousin said the two happiest days of his life were the day he bought his boat and the day he sold it.
    I think that’ll go for lots of folks who wanted ACA, too…

  5. tannngl says:

    That’s priceless!!!!! Think I’ll send it to my congressman and senators.

  6. Garnet92 says:

    Even though (I think) this is satire, it is close enough to the truth to be scary. There’s another saying about boats: “boats are nothing more than holes in the water, into which you throw money.” I’ve only owned one boat, but I can vouch for that saying. Obama has just eliminated the boat, leaving the hole in the water into which we are required to throw money.

    Good one Terry!

  7. Buck says:

    “Obama has just eliminated the boat, leaving the hole in the water into which we are required to throw money.”
    That’s the nail on the head thingy.
    We will end up with the insurance payments without the insurance…

  8. CW says:

    I’m going to have to hide this from my husband. He’d trade me for a boat if he could.