Sam the rig hand walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.
“By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?”
“The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam replied.…
Have you ever seen critters first discover a mirror? This is funny.
A man in the Safeway Store tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some ass hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”
“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.
‘Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.
The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”
“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.”
“No shit?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
difference between these two words.
In a recently held linguistic competition held in London and attended
by supposedly the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese
man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5
The final question was:
How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a
way that is easy to understand.
Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is his astute answer –
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED,
and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!
During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, “that’s a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!”
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, “And all these years, I’ve been chewing gum”.
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled…
“Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
(hat-tip Kenny, Skip, G92)
Have a great Friday.