If you don’t know who Phyllis Diller is, I recommend you google her and then visit Youtube to see some of her routines. She was sharp tongued and willingly poked fun at herself. Phyllis Diller Died August 20, 2012 at the age of 95.
Here are some quotes meant to whet your appetite to find out more about her.
And now ladies and gentlemen, here’s Phyllis Diller …
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
~ ~ Mrs. AL