Nostalgia – Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares debuted in 1966.  Following are some questions and answers from the era when responses were spontaneous, not scripted.  Enjoy the giggles and if you want to see more, just go to YouTube and search for Hollywood Squares. I suggest the shows hosted by Peter Marshall in the 60s – 80s.

      Hat-Tip to Grouchy Fogie

Q.  What is a good reason for pounding meat?
A.  Paul Lynde:  Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q.  Do female frogs croak?
A.  Paul Lynde:  If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q.  If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A.  Charley Weaver:  Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q.  True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years…
A.  George Gobel:  Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q.  You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.  Don Knotts:  That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q.  Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A.  Charley Weaver:  My sense of decency.

Q. What are  ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help’ and, ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A.  George Gobel:  I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q.  As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A.  Rose Marie:  You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q.  Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A.  Paul Lynde:  Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.  Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.  Charley Weaver:  Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q.  During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A.  Rose Marie:  Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q.  Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.  Marty Allen:  Only after lights out.

Q.  If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A.  Paul Lynde:  Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q.  According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.  Charley Weaver:  It got me out of the army.

Q.  Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A.  George Gobel:  Get it in his mouth.

Q.  Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A.  Paul Lynde:  Who told you about my elephant?

Q.  According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A.  Paul Lynde:  Point and laugh.

~ Mrs. AL

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17 Responses to Nostalgia – Hollywood Squares

  1. A GOOD Laugh, at some fine, off the wall, spontaneous humor~!
    Sadly, “Live” game shows are almost a thing of the ancients~!
    Good job, Mrs AL

  2. Clyde says:

    Some good stuff, Mrs. Al. Thanks.

  3. Garnet92 says:

    Those are some really classic “one-liners” by some genuinely funny folks – and did you notice, there weren’t lots of “motherf**kers” scattered among them? They were funny without relying on profanity – who knew it could be done?

    Not our current crop of “comedians.”

  4. Hardnox says:

    I remember those from when i was a kid. They were great comedians. Not like the rude bunch out there now that aren’t really all that funny.

    Thanks for posting this.

    • Mrs AL says:

      Your welcome and I agree, they were great comedians. But really, Hardnox, you remember Charley Weaver? You’re much to young for that.

  5. CW says:

    Those are PRICELESS, Mrs. AL! I too remember watching Hollywood Squares when I was a kid but I didn’t think it was funny because I never got the jokes. I’m still a bit slow in that way sometimes.

    • Mrs AL says:

      I admit, CW, when I was younger I didn’t get them either but as I aged with the show I eventually caught on. Glad you liked it. And I don’t believe for a sec you are slow in that way at all.

  6. Kathy says:

    Glad you posted those, Mrs. AL. Sometimes I wondered if they’d get through the actual game for all the jokes and laughing. Miss those days.

    • Mrs AL says:

      Thanx, Kathy. I like to get giggles now and again. Helps me stay sane, or a reasonably facsimile thereof. And I am with you, I miss those days too.

  7. Buck says:

    Also was Wally Cox who had a show so funny they paid him not to do it any more. “Mr. Peepers”

    Right Hardnox. Any time a program has to use canned laughter to tell you when something is funny….. it ain’t!

  8. Terry says:

    I LOVED that show in the ’60’s-’70’s !
    Paul, Charley, Wally & George were insanely funny !

    When Wendy & I lived near L.A. in the early 2000’s, we went to a taping of HS. Though we had some laughs, it didn’t compare to those guys from the classic years.
    Thanks for the memories, Mrs. AL !