A small zoo in Hoggtown, Arklabama obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the zookeeper thought of Ed Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Ed Lee wasn’t very bright, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Ed Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500? Ed Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions: “First”, Ed Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The zookeeper quickly agreed. “Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition. “Third”, he said, “You can’t never tell no one about this.” The keeper again readily agreed. “Fourth”, Ed Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.” Once again it was agreed. “And last,” Ed Lee said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.”